Tuesday, June 1, 2010

No really, where's the pause button??

I've been having a tough time with the Lil' Man growing up.

 He's graduating from 6th grade in a week or so, turning 12 in a month and off to middle school a short time after that!!

You should have seen me when he graduated from Preschool!!!


I swear it was only 2 years ago that I walked him to his kindergarten class for the first time.

He was so excited he even made his own lunch

He still doesn't like crust.

If you've followed along for a while, you might remember the 21 day challenge I joined in.
If not you can click on the link above and read about my struggles and what my goal was.

Now I'm sorry for this next part. It's going to get a little ugly, not too ugly, just a little.

Really I'm sharing just a sliver to help you understand why I struggle with them growing up.

I had what you could call a "rough" childhood.

I experienced things no child should ever have to. 

I learned that sometimes your not even safe at home.

So with that in mind,  the thought that my babies are growing up.

That they are venturing out.  That there WILL be experiences that I won't be able to protect them from.

The "What ifs" that swirl around my head over 100 mph bouncing off both sides of my skull making it hard to breath. 

Turning a simple moment in their lives  "Can I ride my bike around the block"  into a monumental moment in MY life.

It has made what should be a "bitter sweet moment" much more bitter.

 So when I read Lulu's post this morning on "Reflecting on May"  I HAD to share it with you.

My son has looked at me the same way.

Looked right into my soul, a look that said, "I'm going to be ok"

Despite my hang ups, my over protecting (and I'm sure the list could go on) I've done a DAMN good job with this guy!!

He's as ready as he can be.

But I still want to know where the pause button is.



Anonymous said...

You have done a wonderful job with our little guy! You were always there and deserve the credit for who he is. Great kid, very respectful. perfect grades, the list could go on. Mr Treasures worked and was out of the house by 7am and not home til 6pm for most of his childhood. I did the best I could, but you did it all on an everyday basis. We can't pause, but we can reflect on a job well done and look forward to watching him grow even more.

Mr Treasures

Sommer said...

Awwww... I totally understand. Thought I didn't have any tramatics in my childhood other than surviving childhood leukemia, my husband had one of those "rough childhoods". I completely understand the "your not even safe at home" because of his sharing with me. Since my husband also struggles with this when it comes to our children we use a quote quite often in our house... "I refuse to live in a constant state of fear" "I will not let fear get in the way of opportunity". It has been a real strength to remember that for us both! Oh and I LOVE the homemade lunch, how cute is that?!!

Marcie said...

I am left teary eyed after reading this! Ang, you are such an amazing wife, friend, person, and most of all MOM! You have done a FANTASTIC job with him and you are going to be pleasantly surprised at just how ready he really is! We are in the same boat when it comes to watching our boys head off to new school, yours to middle school mine to high school! I am so blessed to have such a beautiful spirit like you in my life! You amaze me and I am so proud of you!

Trish said...

I don't have a clue honey cause it sure isn't at my house!

Kyle starts HS in the fall & I'm a mess!

(love Mr. Teasures comment to you, how perfectly sweet!)

Debbie said...

Oh Angie I feel your pain! My oldest is going to be 13, and can you believe just this year I let him venture around the corner on his bike....so I am over protective myself, and I am learning to let go just a little, I have to for his sake. What a handsome young man you have there....I enjoyed reading your post.

Angie said...

Thank you guys! ;)

Bringing Pretty Back said...

Angie, I am so very sorry you had bad things happen to you . Breaks my heart . But, look what a good Momma you are for it! I know!!! My youngest son is graduating this week. I have been crying , where did the time go? I asked him this morning if he would please just stay in school one more year, I'm not ready... He didn't think that was the answer .( :
You did a fine job he is so handsome!

p.s. - black and grey - perfect!
Have a pretty day,

LuLu said...

Oh Angie, you are the best!! it's so wonderful to know that others have the same butterflies in our stomachs over our children... same thoughts of how can we have children this old, ready to start bigger things...
it's so nice to know we have blog friends who we can turn to for support!!!
big xoxo,

The Frugal Designer said...

well i wish i could say that i don't relate to your post in more ways than i care to reflect upon, but the truth is i do. that might explain my utter fear to let my boy out of my site for more than 5 minutes. i hope i can learn to ease up on the reigns a bit as he grows. you are a wonderful example of bravery and strength, the fact that you came out of the other side of your childhood with the ability to love others and have humor in your life is amazing and you deserve a great amount of credit for that. one day lil man will thank you for all of your worrying, i just know it!

Cat@BudgetBlonde said...

Aw, he is so cute Angie!! I know I'm going to feel the same way when I have kids. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job!

Jen said...

Hi! Just found you over at "bringing pretty back". Love that you put your heart right out there! Your son is lucky to have you....the experiences that you went through should have never happened. You are strong and your son will always have reasons to need you no matter what age! Of course...if you find the pause button..please share it with us all!
Nice to meet you! Have a great night!

Susie said...

Oh girl...I feel your pain. It is a gut wrenching experience to let them grow up. When Liv walks away without a second glance sometimes it's like being punched in the gut. Loss of breath. Tears. Be brave, like the rest of us. I pray nightly that my kids will be healthy, safe and out of harms way. I'll say a prayer for your growing brood tonight too.
P.s. How sweet what Mr. Treasures wrote.
Does he appreciate that he is known to woman everywhere as Mr. Treasures? I love it!

Leanne said...

Wow ... what a truly honest and brave post that was, Ang. So Real, and so proud you should be!!!! You have done such a fantastic job with Lil'Man. You can see it in his eyes. And because of YOU - he is living this life of his without fear. You will always be there for him, and he knows it. Watch him bloom ... he's making his momma proud (and the rest of us, who get to hear about him from you.) Really - just a wonderful post.

Kerri said...

Just found you over on Jen's Ink Pen! What a beautiful post...made me a little teary. I have one child and I feel like because of that I try and hold onto every moment for as long as I can. Time goes by so quickly...

I'll be following you!

Shawn Seay said...

Tears in my eyes! I am overprotective too. Love this post! Let me know if you find the pause button, girly! (wink) I want one, too!

Miss Sew & So said...

wow...i'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face...& i've only just stumbled upon you via jen from jens ink pen....
i too am in *exactly * the same place as you....i have a just 12 year old daughter {the eldest of our 3} and she is about to embark on high school...and yet i still see her as your son in that first photo...tiny and trusting and untouched by the world...but then they are suddenly big....we are australians living in the english countryside...our gorgeous girl is starting high school here and i know, although she has adored our 2 1/2 yrs here, that she just cant wait to go home to oz and start high school there with her *life long* friends...when is it ever *ok* for the whole family- dont you just feel like your heart is riding around on many sleeves when you have kids...i am a very happy follower ...
melissa x

Renee Finberg said...

what a guy!!
you have done a great job....
and no, the worrying and trying to protect them never goes away.

i just bite my tongue a lot.


scrapwordsmom said...

Angie...I would say that your Lil' Man is so very lucky to have you!! From what I can tell you are one amazing person that I'm so very blessed to have found on the Net.

It is so HARD to see your kids grow up. Jackson will be a SOPHOMORE in HIGH SCHOOL!!!! WHAT ! I found one of the scrapbooks I created for him when he was in preschool. I got a HUGE lump in my throat...couldn't even look at it. I miss my little guy so much!!!!

Angie...thank you so much for all the kind comments regarding my pain issues. They have been so comforting to me!!!


Nikki@KreativeKnack said...

Ugh...whats up tear jerker :)Proud you should be! I catch myself all the time, being waaay to protective, but then again thats our instinct, thats what we do. I think as long as we know when to let loose a little...things will work out. I know they are just babies...but you never know when they are paying attention right...little sponges :) I want a pause button too! (temper tantrum) But Mr. Treasures is right, reflect on a job well done! This week has been the first week of summer for my lil man, and I really forgot how much entertaining he requires...Woo Hoo summertime!