Wednesday, September 9, 2009

So, it's day 2 of the 21 day challenge. Day 1 was actually a little easier than I thought it was going to be. My goal is to stop being a mother who parents with Contracted Awareness.

Contracted Awareness brief definition: is a twisted, limited form of maternal awareness. Acting out of fear and over protection rather than level headed parenting.

And start living as a mother who parents with an Expanded Awareness.

Expanded Awareness brief definition: is when you trust yourself, trust your instincts and trust you're doing the best job that you can. The ability to trust your judgement and instincts once you've taken FEAR out of the picture. Someone who is able to welcome new experiences, change and adventurous choices not only in their life but in their children's as well.

I've allowed fear to be the driving force in my parenting for the last 11 years. I've almost never been rational when it comes to the possibilities of "what if's" I'm the kind of mother that when my children get injured the first thing they do is hop up and yell to me "It's OK-I'm OK MOM!" As my son is quickly reaching the teenage years I've allowed myself to become overwhelmed by the fear of letting him go and grow. Were only in the third week of 6th grade and already my husband has had to talk me off the ledge a couple of times. I've allowed my FEAR to over take the sliver of sanity I do have. So I am fighting back OK maybe not so much "fighting" more like taking baby steps.

On day one of the challenge I took a DEEP breath and gave my son the ok to ride around the block by himself. I know, doesn't sound like much but really it was HUGE! I don't let the poor kid even play out front with out me. Not because I don't trust him. He's the most responsible, intelligent young man I know. It is because I don't trust the WORLD. I have convinced myself that if I let go even just a little something horrible WILL happen. Now I have taught him about the dangers that are out there and (when I haven't let fear get the better of me) I feel that I have prepared him the best I can. Yet I somehow haven't trusted either of us enough to let him explore the world armored with his knowledge. It never felt like it was enough. Every day it is becoming more and more apparent to me that he IS growing up and there IS nothing I can do to stop it. I NEED to trust myself enough to let him grow. I NEED to trust that God has a plan for him and I need to stop getting in the way of it!

So I let him. For 5 little minutes (that seemed like hours) I let him know I trusted him. I trusted myself. I trusted God. A beautiful thing happened. This little guy felt the freedom. He felt proud. Proud of himself and proud of me. He might only be 11 but he is wise beyond his years. He understood that this was the beginning for both of us.

I've never felt so frightened when I watched him disappear around the corner. I've never felt happier than when I saw him come back around!! Baby steps! Don't know what day 2 will have instore for us??


Lissa said...

keep going!!! 19 days to go!!

LuLu said...

Good for YOU what a great accomplishment, i have to admit I have the fear of the world for my kiddos too and now I need to give this a try,