slipped by and it's already day 16! So I'll catch you up (rather quickly) on the progress.
Now if only I could manage to do this. Who doesn't dwell on the past (at least a little)? or better yet DREAM of the future? I don't think that's such a bad thing. Unless of course you FORGET about the present! Easier for me to do than it should be. So during this whole challenge the key for me has been to concentrate on the moment I'm in. Concentrate on living it to the fullest and not allowing my fear to paralyze me. A little easier said than done. So here it goes,
It was Monday night and my daughter wanted to go spend a little time with Grandma. We are lucky enough to live about a mile or so away from her. The temperatures had dropped considerably that evening (meaning it was around 80 instead of 103) so we decided on a family bike ride to Grandma's house.
We are lucky enough to live near a historic part of town called Victoria Ave. It is a 2 lane street with trails on either side of it. The lanes are separated by a meridian filled with trees with the most amazing pink flowers and rows of rose bushes on both sides of the road. This goes on for miles. Certain times of the year when you roll your windows down the smell of roses is intoxicating. Anyhow at one intersection there is a mini botanical garden with benches and plaques telling how this part of town came about. I know I said I'd catch you up quickly, as I writing this I'm beginning to realize I LIED.
Anyhow on the way to Grandma's my son notices a cat in this garden and he decides to stop and pet him. So we all stopped for awhile while he and my daughter admired this cat. Not knowing that cats are sometimes free to roam outdoors, my son was concerned he was lost. I told him he was fine but that if it made him feel better we could check on the cat again while on our way home from Grandma's.
So we spend a little time at Grandma's and leave my daughter there for her special time. As we are getting on our bikes my son decides to tell me this...
"MOM I've got a great idea, let me ride ahead to check on the cat!"
Ok if you could have seen the look on my face! So he says ..
"Come on mom- THIS can be one of your steps!"
(note to self, stop talking within ear shot of the 11 year old about my self improvement progress)
My husband then gives me the look. You know the one that says "You should do this" So I let him. I sit in the driveway on my bike once again watching my baby ride off out of sight. I think I might have only given him a minute head start but I'm telling you it felt like 20. So my husband and I head out behind him. We turn the corner and I'm ok- we start to get closer to the garden and I'm NOT ok. I don't see him. In the 30 seconds it took to get to the garden my imagination went into hyper-drive. I panicked. What if he was abducted? DO I EVEN KNOW WHAT HE WAS WEARING? Would I be able to tell police? Just as I was about to go into a full fledged panic attack he popped up from the bushes with his bright red bicycle helmet and said...
"Aww man I can't find the cat. I hope he went home"
I CAN BREATHE NOW. Managed to pull myself together before anyone was the wiser and off we road TOGETHER the rest of the way home. Can you call it progress when no one else notices?
This next quote is for day 15.
Isn't that the truth? Boy I sure do...
I could just snap my fingers and be done with all of this insane fear! I wish I could wake up every morning feeling energized and excited to seize all that day had to offer! At this point I would settle for not waking up feeling like I have a hang over when I didn't even drink the night before!
But I do PLAN on continuing down this road until I am successful. Until Fear is no longer a factor in my life. Until seizing every day is just second nature rather than a process. Day 15 was rather uneventful. So here's to hoping day 16 has more to offer!
P.S. so much for "rather quickly" ;)